ACK-vantage

Nantucket has become so many things to me. It is the most incredible island I could ever imagine. I came back for a second season because I knew I had to. One thing I regretted last year, was that I never truly documented my first summer on Nantucket, and this year I am going to change that.

I knew that I had to come back here because something was missing from my life, something I once had and thought I always would have; a lasting relationship. Distance is in fact the greatest test of a relationship.  Distance can make you realize how much you love that person, which was my case... or it can make you fall out of love, which was his case.

There is only so much a person, and relationship can take until you finally realize it just isn't working. I tried up until the very day I left to come back here, and even weeks after when I was back on island. After a few weeks back on island I left to go back home for the weekend. I went back for what I thought was the new start for him and I.. at least that was what he promised me.

He still felt distant despite all the immediate effort I gave. I was back at square one. Devastated, heart broken, lost.

I can try to look at this as a horrific thing that I never wanted.. or I can look around me and see all the faces that do care about me, that always enjoy being around me, that I can trust to never just leave. So many people have reached out to me in these past few days. It showed me that people did care whether or not him and I made it, and when it came to an end they would be right there.

I don't think I will ever get an actual answer to why he couldn't figure things out, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Perfect place to sit and reflect- Stones Beach

I took a day to reflect on what I have ultimately put myself through for a long time now. I have decided that I am going to accept this loss with the notion that I am going to have some great days and some really bad days. But they are all days that I will never get back, so I need to act positive starting immediately.

Being on Nantucket is the best thing for me. It gives a peace of mind I have never been able to find anywhere else. It has become my little island. Nantucket is where I can reflect, knowing that the decisions I make are the right ones. I have just 3 months left on this island, and I refuse to not make every single one of them count.

So here's the start of the blog I always wanted to write, but never did.