a little blue box with an ocean view

This past week my friends were on Nantucket to celebrate the fourth of July. Although I had to work, I still had so much fun with them.

My favorite night was Thursday night. It had been about a month since I last saw Andrew, and we decided that Thursday night would be our day/night to have some alone time.

Somewhere along the way we both went in different directions, and we finally had some time to just sit and talk. We went to The Galley Beach, which is a restaurant right passed Jetties. People are not lying when they say you pay for the view, but it is well worth it.

Andrew and I sat right on the beach with a glass of champagne in hand. I was so happy in that moment. We always order crab cakes where ever we go, and this time wasn't any different. Let me just say it was one of the best crab cakes I have ever had. And of course we ordered the french fries, which were also delicious.

The best part of my night though was when I presented with my favorite colored box, Tiffany&co blue. I opened the box to a beautiful necklace that spoke volumes to what my future with Andrew holds. I was taken back by the meaning the necklace held for Andrew and his feelings towards me. It was the perfect way to end such an amazing week with my friends.

Moving Forward

The reason I haven't been able to post these past few days is because my best friend came to visit me this weekend, and my friends from Ireland have all arrived for the summer.

I was so happy when all of the guys walked into Toby's for the first time this season. My summer is only just beginning and I am excited for what it brings.

Having my best friend here helped me out a lot. Since she lived with me here on Nantucket last year, she was the perfect person to visit during a weekend that may have been hard for me.

Dinner at Oran Mor

at the Chicken Box

This summer is much different than last summer. This summer the island is more familiar, I feel much more comfortable. I have been making a bigger effort to be spontaneous. Don't get me wrong, I love planning, but I realized it was a little too much. So I have decided to live with intentions but never get upset if it doesn't always go according to plan. I am off to a pretty good start.

It is one of the best feelings in the world to live somewhere where you have absolutely zero enemies... You are able to know exactly who you are in the present and in the future as well. Being able to have a positive outlook everyday is something I will never take for granted here.

I miss my family and friends back at home, but I know that I was supposed to come back here to clear my mind, and to make sense of some decisions and relationships with people, that may have gone off track while I was home.

I definitely feel like a different person, a much happier and confident person.

ACK-vantage

Nantucket has become so many things to me. It is the most incredible island I could ever imagine. I came back for a second season because I knew I had to. One thing I regretted last year, was that I never truly documented my first summer on Nantucket, and this year I am going to change that.

I knew that I had to come back here because something was missing from my life, something I once had and thought I always would have; a lasting relationship. Distance is in fact the greatest test of a relationship.  Distance can make you realize how much you love that person, which was my case... or it can make you fall out of love, which was his case.

There is only so much a person, and relationship can take until you finally realize it just isn't working. I tried up until the very day I left to come back here, and even weeks after when I was back on island. After a few weeks back on island I left to go back home for the weekend. I went back for what I thought was the new start for him and I.. at least that was what he promised me.

He still felt distant despite all the immediate effort I gave. I was back at square one. Devastated, heart broken, lost.

I can try to look at this as a horrific thing that I never wanted.. or I can look around me and see all the faces that do care about me, that always enjoy being around me, that I can trust to never just leave. So many people have reached out to me in these past few days. It showed me that people did care whether or not him and I made it, and when it came to an end they would be right there.

I don't think I will ever get an actual answer to why he couldn't figure things out, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Perfect place to sit and reflect- Stones Beach

I took a day to reflect on what I have ultimately put myself through for a long time now. I have decided that I am going to accept this loss with the notion that I am going to have some great days and some really bad days. But they are all days that I will never get back, so I need to act positive starting immediately.

Being on Nantucket is the best thing for me. It gives a peace of mind I have never been able to find anywhere else. It has become my little island. Nantucket is where I can reflect, knowing that the decisions I make are the right ones. I have just 3 months left on this island, and I refuse to not make every single one of them count.

So here's the start of the blog I always wanted to write, but never did.